Johneo and Jubileeiet
by KimonoQueen
Summary: (set after X-2) Jubilee writes a letter to John and he receives it (rated for themes of despair and suicide)


Johneo and Jubilee-iet  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own. Don't sue.  
  
Author's note: This just came to me for some reason. I needed to type up something angsty past 12 in the morning. I attribute the poetic bit at the end to Shakespeare's 'Romeo and Juliet'. If anyone can find a better quotation for the ending please pitch it to me. I searched and searched until my eyes bled and went through several maybes before I settled on this one. I don't think this flows together well but, from the content, one can tell that, at this point, Jubilation Lee is one fuctup crazy lady.  
  
About that title - it's just a title. It was the last thing I wrote, before this line.  
  
Just R&R  
  
- - - - - xx - - - - -  
  
I'm crying. Don't ask me why - I just am. Actually, I'll tell you why. It's because you left me. Did you get that all right? You - left - me. I know you think it's the other way round and because I refused to go with you I let you go, leaving you behind, or far away, but that's not the case. It wasn't and still is not the case.  
  
When was it exactly that you decided that you were better than us or that we were simply not good enough for you? Do you remember? Or is it past you like the notion of friendship . . . companionship . . . love.  
  
I loved you, Johnny, and I know you knew it. I know this because I damn well told it to you, to your face, on more than one occasion, and I know you didn't believe me. You said it through the look in your eyes on the smirk on your lips and the laughter - oh the laughter - that tore my heart apart. And now, as Bobby clears out your things and Rogue stands by ever watchful, ever silent, I can feel my soul deteriorating as well.  
  
Remember the night we stayed up to watch the sunrise just so that I could show you how beautiful fireworks could look as dawn's first light? You held me so tightly that day that I knew that you loved me, and with everything you had, which wasn't that much, but I was grateful for it anyway. You told me so. And yet, when I would look deep into your clear blue eyes and say it back you just wouldn't believe. Is that why you left us? Because you thought we didn't love you?  
  
Bullshit, Johnny.  
  
Don't make up excuses. It has always been your forte to be a sweet-talker but don't pull that shit now. Not on your friends. Not on the people who, despite everything you've done, and yes I am chastising you now, have stood by you, through thick and thin, fires and extinguishers, cops and everything else that has threatened your existence, loving you for you.  
  
But it just wasn't enough, was it? And you, being the big man that you are, not needing anything or anybody at all took it upon yourself to shake things up. I'd always known that you hated the rules that so-called authority placed upon you, restricting your actions, but I thought you would at least be able to respect the laws of love, and they stipulate that a lover does not leave another for no good reason, and I'm sorry but joining the enemy is not a good enough reason for severing the ties that took so long to create - no. Not by a long shot.  
  
I know what you're doing right now.  
  
You're probably ling down somewhere, head against the backboard of some luxurious bed you've been put up in by dear Mags, reading this, and smirking because you know this is all fake - some soppy lies told to con you into coming back to your prison. You'll be flicking that lighter open and closed, open and closed, and congratulating yourself on getting out of here when you did. And how.  
  
However  
  
If I know you as well as I pray I do, maybe you'll be thinking about me, too, and perhaps even regretting your choicest decision in the slightest.  
  
Or maybe I'm just wishing my life away, and our love too.  
  
But, you know what? Through all of this, I know that you have been alone, because you've always been alone. You're always going to be alone because you make yourself that way, Johnny. We took you in - you kicked us out. And now you have nothing.  
  
Do you really think that Magneto, Mystique and the Brotherhood are going to stand by you when shit gets rough? Do you really think that they care about you - the way Bobby, Rogue, Kitty, Piotr, Remy, the Professor, Scott, Jean, and Wolvie do? And do you REALLY believe, in your fiery heart of hearts that if you come back - IF you return - that I'm just going to sitting hear, in my room, waiting for you? Just WAITING? I've never been one to sit still but, you know what? I would have, for you. But we're never gonna get to put that theory to the test now, are we?  
  
You know, we've always had that in common. The loneliness thing, I mean. Your parents abandoned you and, in a sense, so did mine. Although mine were killed, you know, but, fair dues. It had the same effect. Only, I got tired of the constant solitude. You, on the other hand, did not.  
  
So, I suppose it won't bother you to hear that Bobby IS getting a new roommate and that Remy IS advertising for a new drinking partner and that I AM in fact seeing somebody else. I'm not going to say who it is but you hate him. Fair dues. You leave me for somebody I hate and I - well - I just leave.  
  
You probably don't care to hear this but I will always love you. Nobody could ever light my fire the way you did, and for obvious reasons. It pains me to tell you this, but I'm finally letting go. Oh - and I can make patterns with my power now. Something I was taught by you, no doubt. The only thing you ever did for me that had any meaning whatsoever. Except for walking out on me, that is. That held more meaning than you will ever know. I don't care to tell.  
  
You are the first and the last. Never forget me. I've got a bullet with your name on it and it's really funny how everything that is you always seems to become an irrevocable part of me. Oh well. I guess that's just the way that God intended.  
  
So, this one's for you, Johnny. Number one. With a bullet in my head.  
  
"O serpent heart, hid with a flowering face!  
  
Did ever dragon keep so fair a cave?  
  
Beautiful tyrant! fiend angelical!  
  
Dove-feather'd raven! wolvish-ravening lamb!  
  
Despised substance of divinest show!  
  
Just opposite to what thou justly seem'st,  
  
A damned saint, an honourable villain!  
  
O nature, what hadst thou to do in hell,  
  
When thou didst bower the spirit of a fiend  
  
In moral paradise of such sweet flesh?  
  
Was ever book containing such vile matter  
  
So fairly bound? O that deceit should dwell  
  
In such a gorgeous palace!"  
  
xx Jubes xx  
  
P.S. Thanks for the tuition in English Lit. We've gotten to take our final 'at-home'. Even with the bloodstains, I think I've got an A.  
  
- - - - - xx - - - - -  
  
The taxi slowed to a stop outside the Xavier Institute for Gifted Youngsters.  
  
"Hey, man, this is your stop. That'll be twenty-seven fifty." The cab driver turned to the blonde youth to receive his payment.  
  
John swallowed, hard, and dropped the crumpled piece of paper to the torn seat beside him. He looked up at the welcoming lights of the Xavier institute and broke down inside.  
  
"So, you gonna pay me or what?"  
  
He put down his lighter and reached for his wallet, but, halfway to his pockets, he changed his mind. Gripping the letter - his letter - he turned to the driver and fixed him with a cold, burning stare.  
  
"Take me home."  
  
The cab driver nodded resolutely and turned the car around, yellow eyes gleaming with delight. 


End file.
